Returning To NYC – A Post Traumatic Experience

Returning To NYC - A Post Traumatic Experience
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Ever since we returned from Michigan back to the East Coast, Danielle started noticing the change.

The mostly relaxed, worried-free Lior she came to know during these last 9 months we’re together, suddenly disappeared, and a new, cranky, more anxious Lior came into sight.

From Virginia to Maryland, Delaware to New Jersey, the closer we got to New York, the more unease I became.

Danielle and I had numerous discussions about our arrival to the City, and I, on my end, kept emphasizing that if it was up to me, we would have skipped the whole visit completely, and start our way back to California, through the last 2 States we’ve got left in the mainland. Straight from Jersey! But since we’re practically broke, and gas money alone would cost us close to $2,000, we’d better stop and work a little in a place I know a guy or two, instead of potentially finding ourselves stuck somewhere in the middle of the country, with no money and no acquaintances, on a cold winter night.

Now what’s so bad about New York, you might ask. What’s so horrible about a place you called home just 16 months ago?

I asked myself these exact questions as well, and the more I ponder about it, the clearer the answer became.

The Lior that left this city 16 months ago was a different man, a primitive, more neanderthal version of this current Self.

During these last 16 months I’ve been on the road, I’ve shed off so many layers, grew so much emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, that it’s hard for me to even grasp the fact that I could have ever lived in this city. The change I’ve went through is so drastic, that at times I’m stressed I’ll run into someone I know from my previous life, and they won’t believe that it’s really me.

Everything I admired about this city, suddenly seem pathetic and absurd.

The endless pursuit for riches and status, in one of the most hectic places on earth, today seem like a death wish. A poor man’s choice on how to spend those precious years we still got left on planet Earth.

The city that never sleeps suddenly seem like one of humanity’s biggest mishap. A Greek tragedy of an entire generation that’s simply got lost, gone astray. Diverged so far off from its original purpose, that it’s not clear anymore if it could ever be saved.

Yet if it will, those Individualistic and Capitalistic ideologies that fuel this behemoth beast, will be remembered as a short but painful phase in the overall evolution of the human race.

A dark period in history where man believed he’s above nature, and not part of it, that success meant gaining more capital, instead of reaching enlightenment, and that happiness could be found in the amount of Instagram followers, instead of simply enjoying the creation with a dance.

My visit here will be short, as short as possible, as I have no interest in playing this game anymore. I’ve seen the real cost of all of these illusions, and I know well enough to not stay too close, or I’ll find myself back in this snare trap once again.

I wish humanity well, but I’m not Moses, Jesus or any other saviour, I’m just a simple man, trying to save myself.

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