Is This The End?

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I guess it was naive of me to think I could just pop up into someone’s life, turn their world upside down so much, that they’ll just leave their house, job, friends, and everything they’ve built (and still building) behind, just to join me on my personal pursuit of happiness and meaning, and it would all work out just fine!

So What if it means living on the road with no income, depending solely on the donations and generosity of people you haven’t met yet.

And So What if it means having a bucket as your mobile toilet, a leaky roof over your head, and a gas smell in the cabin from the propane tank underneath.

And So What if you promised yourself just before you met him, you won’t travel anymore, at least not in the near future, not until you get your shit together and solve your personal issues and struggles, and truly find your inner peace.

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“When love comes knocking at your door,

Just open up and let it in” The Monkeys sang.

You should let it move you and twist you, open you up and heal you. It’s the mightiest force in the universe, and could easily overcome any obstacle, ain’t it so?! (well… apparently not).

To be honest, this fairytale love story did work for a while, but after about a month and a half on the road, the cracks started showing up.

I might have found my purpose and meaning in all of this, but being on the passenger side for so long, can be a tiring experience. Even for the chillest dude ever.

And it doesn’t matter how marvelous the white sands seems to be, or how every sunset is more mesmerizing than the one before, none of it can really fill the void one’s feeling inside.

כל הדרך מאלבמה, מאחלים לכולכם שבוע מבורך!

#היהשלוםלכםונמסטה 🙏

סטטיק – העמוד הרשמי
בן-אל תבורי העמוד הרשמי

Posted by Lior Vaknin on Wednesday, January 24, 2018

And this is how our steady, loving relationship has become a crazy roller coaster during the past few weeks. Low times, when I was thinking to myself “fuck this, I was better off by myself”,to post-love-making cuddles, where we stayed wrapped around each other until dawn,and I wish to myself “it’s just a phase”, something momentary that would soon fade away and everything would go back to normal. To rational, grown adults conversations, discussing the possibility reuniting later on, maybe in a couple weeks/months/after the journey is over/ or maybe even in Israel, at my mom’s house, after I’m done exploring the world (and mainly myself) in this wild goose chase to bring some good to the world.

We might have talked about it, went over the details of departure a hundred times, but actually coming back to an empty camper after spending two and a half months of literally 24/7 with one another, is something nothing can prepare you for. And yesterday it finally happened.

The stories and experiences from the last few weeks, like the episcopalian couple who were moved to tears after meeting Israelis for the first time in their lives, or the talks at Hillel in Austin and the Hebrew Study class at UT, and how it reminded me once again how spontaneous and easy it to work things out on the fly with Israelis, or even the results and personal take on our entire month February social media fast, all of this will have to wait for another time.

Today is about coping, accepting and adjusting, to being back on the road by myself again.

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